BETH
SO FAIR AND FOUL
Act 1
Scene 4
[ EXTERIOR Los Angeles Coliseum, NIGHT. On the trampled, garbage strewn lawn outside of the Los Angeles Coliseum after most of the concert goers have dispersed quickly due to the storm. THUNDER RUMBLES. The THREE WITCHES enter from three different directions and meet.]
FIRST WITCH
(Singing as she approaches)
Vote for them if you deign,
All withall without a brain,
My charm made them quite insane,
Never will they work again.
Republican and Democrat
Locked in an eternal spat
Fight each other night and day
Waste a waste a waste away!
(To the other two witches)
Where have you been, sisters?
SECOND WITCH
Catching up on my random killing.
THIRD WITCH
Giving free samples to the children of the wealthy. And you, sister?
FIRST WITCH
With that senator my charms elected. He promised to take me to the Inaugural Ball. Once in place he replaced me with a proper woman. This necklace I made of her teeth while Squamous shifted into her shape did things to make me new earrings of more value to the senator than the diamonds he gave her. Squamous chewed and chewed and brought me these two.
[ The FIRST WITCH pulls back her mass of nasty hair to reveal the SENATOR'S testicles hanging from her earlobes. ]
SECOND WITCH
I wish I had been there.
THIRD WITCH
I wish I had a pair.
FIRST WITCH
The senator is out of balls. There are other ways of getting in. Squamous can assume the shape of many men. One way or the other I will attend.
SECOND WITCH
I will loan you my Graymalkin.
[ The FIRST WITCH and SECOND WITCH look at the THIRD WITCH, waiting for a response. ]
THIRD WITCH
I would lend you my Louis Le Roux, but well we know we never know what he will do.
FIRST WITCH
That's what happens when your familiar falls in love with you.
SECOND WITCH
He's just trying to impress you, poor Louie Le Roux! He's in love and means no harm.
THIRD WITCH
Enough! Enough! It's time to administer the charm.
[ The THREE WITCHES cackle with laughter, hold hands and dance in a circle. A LOUD SLAM comes from the coliseum. Enter BETH and BANCROFT with BILLY lagging behind. BILLY slips out of sight behind a tree and is obviously buying drugs from GRAYMALKIN. ]
BANCROFT
I never would have recognized you tonight in that sea of people if not for that crazy haircut. Funny how things turn out.
BETH
This is the best and the worst day of my life! Hey, where did Billy disappear to?
[BETH looks around for BILLY. BANCROFT sees the witches and takes BETH'S hand.]
BANCROFT
(To Beth)
Holy shit! Are we being punked? Where is the camera?
(To the witches)
Are you real? Are you holograms?
BETH
(To Bancroft)
They are fortune tellers! They told me I would meet Winchell tonight!
BANCROFT
(To Beth)
I'm sure he's already left.
(To the witches)
Can you hear us?
BETH
(To The Witches)
Do you remember me?
[The WITCHES speak to BETH].
FIRST WITCH
All hail, Apple of Winchell's eye!
SECOND WITCH
All hail, the only heir!
THIRD WITCH
All hail, the future Queen!
[BETH freezes. She looks like a zombie.]
BANCROFT
(To Beth)
Beth! Earth to Beth!?
(To the witches)
You seem to have killed my friend with kindness. What have you got to say to me, not that I believe in predictions?
WITCHES
Hail Bancroft!
FIRST WITCH
You don't want as much as Beth, but you shall have.
SECOND WITCH
Not so much, yet much more.
THIRD WITCH
You made royalty, but are not.
ALL WITCHES
All hail, Bancroft and Beth!
[The WITCHES turn and begin to walk away slowly. BANCROFT turns and looks for BILLY. BANCROFT exits. BETH follows the WITCHES who seem to fade with each step.]
BANCROFT
(off stage)
Billy! Come get your fortune told!
BETH
(To The Fading Witches)
Wait! I don't understand. He doesn't know I'm alive! What am I to do next? Have you no charm or potion to help me tonight? I gave you my mother's ring!
[ A vial on a chain hangs from one of the tree branches and hits BETH in the face. She snatches it from the tree. She hides it in her purse quickly. The WITCHES vanish. BANCROFT enters will BILLY in tow. BILLY is so high on drugs he is hardly aware of his surroundings.]
BANCROFT
I found Billy. Where are the fortune tellers?
BETH
They vanished into thin air. I wish they would come back.
BANCROFT
I told you they were holograms! Or maybe Billy slipped us some of whatever he's on! Maybe we are hallucinating!
BETH
Your children will be royalty!
BANCROFT
(looks upset by the comment)
My Felix was born with Down's syndrome and other complications.
BETH
I didn't know you'd married.
BANCROFT
I didn't.
BETH
Does the father help out?
BANCROFT
The father doesn't know. Let's just say he's not a nice man and leave it at that. I haven't seen you since high school. I can't believe you still have a crush on Winchell. Don't you follow him on twitter? All he does is post selfies of him with his dog.
He has sex with women but he only loves his dog. I think you are in love with a fantasy.
BETH
Someone is coming! Who are they?
[Enter ROSELINDE ROSS and ANGELO.]
ROSELINDE
(to Billy and Bancroft)
Yo! We've been looking everywhere for you. Give Angelo your car keys and tell him where you parked. Follow me to the limo.
ANGELO
(to Billy and Bancroft)
Winchell sent us. He wants to reward you for taming the audience tonight, but not here. He wants to do it at his penthouse in Vegas.
ROSELINDE
(To Billy and Bancroft)
Here's a hint. Winchell is having his attorney draft documents to give you two everything he was going to give to Chowder. You're going to finish out the tour with him. You get paid even if the tour gets canceled. Hell, you're even in the old man's will. Billy, you are the apple of eye! Lucky dog.
BANCROFT
(To Billy)
We have to behave now!
BILLY
(Barely conscious due to the drugs effect)
I'm not going anywhere without my girl.
(To Beth)
You're my girl.
ROSELINDE
(To Angelo)
We're dead if we don't get them to Zampernini Field within the hour.
ANGELO
(To Billy)
Bring your girl.
BETH
(To Bancroft)
What's at Zampernini Field?
BANCROFT
Winchell's private jet.
BETH
(Aside, to herself)
The fortune tellers sort of got it right. But everything is a little off. I am WITH the apple of his eye. I am WITH his heirs. The honors fall near me but not directly upon me and yet I do begin to feel like a queen. I must play it by ear until a clear path be seen!
[BETH moves closer to BILLY. He takes her hand. Everyone starts walking in the direction of the limo. When they pass a tree, BILLY suddenly pulls BETH around behind the tree, looks her in the eyes and then kisses her.]
BILLY
You're my girl.
[BILLY pulls her back to the lawn and they run to catch up with the others. They all exit.]
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
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