BETH
Act 1
Scene 3
SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES
[EXTERIOR King Harbor, evening. PORTER, the drunken grounds keeper of Winchell's gated compound on the bluff overlooking the marina and pier at Redondo Beach, is drinking his dinner at an outdoor table of one of the rowdy bars facing the boats in the marina. PORTER is with an old friend. Due to THUNDER and mist, all the customers suddenly rush inside except PORTER and his FRIEND. The halyards on the boats begin to clang wildly.]
PORTER
If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. You'd say I was mad.
FRIEND
I think I know what you're going to say.
PORTER
I saw DeWitt.
FRIEND
He's still dealing drugs.
PORTER
DeWitt's been dead for weeks.
FRIEND
He smells like it.
PORTER
O yes and the flesh on his hands and face is peeling.
FRIEND
When did you see him?
PORTER
Tonight. He wanted me to open the gate. I locked up and sent him away.
FRIEND
O, he's inside now. Doing whatever.
PORTER
What do you mean?
PORTER'S FRIEND
That's not DeWitt. That shit he's selling ain't the shit DeWitt sold. Somebody is using DeWitt's body to sell some strange shit. Truth be told, at first I was kinda glad to see he was back. I've been buyin' from him all my life.
PORTER
You sound crazy.
FRIEND
You saw him too.
[ The two drink in silence for a moment.]
PORTER
He was in that nasty van that's been around lately. It usually says "FORTUNES TOLD" but tonight it had "TV, INTERNET & PHONE" written on it. It was DeWitt. He said his name was Louis Le Roux and that he had to get into all the condos because of the new cable TV channel line up.
PORTER'S FRIEND
I've seen that van in two places at once!
PORTER
How did you manage that? Wouldn't you have to be two places at once?
PORTER'S FRIEND
No. I was running away from that van. It was behind me, then it was parked in front of me too!
[ Enter a ragged STRANGER. He stops at a garbage can and digs through it until he finds some food. He walks up to PORTER and FRIEND and talks with his mouth full.]
STRANGER
Sometimes that van sells tacos. Sometimes it sells ice cream to the little ones and they can't sleep no more after that ice cream.
PORTER
Do we know you? Who are you?
STRANGER
I'm out and about. I know things. I'm out and about. For instance, I know Le Roux is not like the other spirits. He is not a pet. His mistress adores him. Graymalkin the cat and Squamous the squirrel, they can shape shift into human form when they run errands. Le Roux does not shape shift. He occupies a body, usually a dead body. Le Roux is a crab. This certainly ain't no place to be a crab, not with the way people eat crabs around here. Never seen so many wooden mallets.
[The STRANGER starts LAUGHING too loud and then starts CHOKING. PORTER offers him the whiskey bottle.]
PORTER
(to the stranger)
Have a seat. It's a rough night to be out and about.
STRANGER
Thank you. Don't mind if I do.
[Just as the STRANGER sits down, PORTER'S cell phone rings. He reads a text message. PORTER'S FRIEND notices a CRAB on the sidewalk nearby.]
PORTER'S FRIEND
Speak of the devil! Look! It's a crab.
[Loud SPLASH as the crab goes over the edge and into the harbor.]
PORTER
I have to go. The concert has been canceled. Everyone is headed back.
[The STRANGER'S head is bowed as if he is sleeping. PORTER touches his shoulder.]
PORTER
Better find some shelter old man. You can keep the whiskey. We have to run now.
[The STRANGER slumps and falls out of his chair.]
PORTER'S FRIEND
(feeling for a pulse on the stranger)
This man is dead.
[ PORTER and his friend exit with haste.]
PORTER'S FRIEND
(off stage in a high, frightened voice)
We were talking to Le Roux. He's fucking with us. He was inside that dead wino who probably died from exposure. That was Le Roux. Those witches are after us!
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
PORTER
If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. You'd say I was mad.
FRIEND
I think I know what you're going to say.
PORTER
I saw DeWitt.
FRIEND
He's still dealing drugs.
PORTER
DeWitt's been dead for weeks.
FRIEND
He smells like it.
PORTER
O yes and the flesh on his hands and face is peeling.
FRIEND
When did you see him?
PORTER
Tonight. He wanted me to open the gate. I locked up and sent him away.
FRIEND
O, he's inside now. Doing whatever.
PORTER
What do you mean?
PORTER'S FRIEND
That's not DeWitt. That shit he's selling ain't the shit DeWitt sold. Somebody is using DeWitt's body to sell some strange shit. Truth be told, at first I was kinda glad to see he was back. I've been buyin' from him all my life.
PORTER
You sound crazy.
FRIEND
You saw him too.
[ The two drink in silence for a moment.]
PORTER
He was in that nasty van that's been around lately. It usually says "FORTUNES TOLD" but tonight it had "TV, INTERNET & PHONE" written on it. It was DeWitt. He said his name was Louis Le Roux and that he had to get into all the condos because of the new cable TV channel line up.
PORTER'S FRIEND
I've seen that van in two places at once!
PORTER
How did you manage that? Wouldn't you have to be two places at once?
PORTER'S FRIEND
No. I was running away from that van. It was behind me, then it was parked in front of me too!
[ Enter a ragged STRANGER. He stops at a garbage can and digs through it until he finds some food. He walks up to PORTER and FRIEND and talks with his mouth full.]
STRANGER
Sometimes that van sells tacos. Sometimes it sells ice cream to the little ones and they can't sleep no more after that ice cream.
PORTER
Do we know you? Who are you?
STRANGER
I'm out and about. I know things. I'm out and about. For instance, I know Le Roux is not like the other spirits. He is not a pet. His mistress adores him. Graymalkin the cat and Squamous the squirrel, they can shape shift into human form when they run errands. Le Roux does not shape shift. He occupies a body, usually a dead body. Le Roux is a crab. This certainly ain't no place to be a crab, not with the way people eat crabs around here. Never seen so many wooden mallets.
[The STRANGER starts LAUGHING too loud and then starts CHOKING. PORTER offers him the whiskey bottle.]
PORTER
(to the stranger)
Have a seat. It's a rough night to be out and about.
STRANGER
Thank you. Don't mind if I do.
[Just as the STRANGER sits down, PORTER'S cell phone rings. He reads a text message. PORTER'S FRIEND notices a CRAB on the sidewalk nearby.]
PORTER'S FRIEND
Speak of the devil! Look! It's a crab.
[Loud SPLASH as the crab goes over the edge and into the harbor.]
PORTER
I have to go. The concert has been canceled. Everyone is headed back.
[The STRANGER'S head is bowed as if he is sleeping. PORTER touches his shoulder.]
PORTER
Better find some shelter old man. You can keep the whiskey. We have to run now.
[The STRANGER slumps and falls out of his chair.]
PORTER'S FRIEND
(feeling for a pulse on the stranger)
This man is dead.
[ PORTER and his friend exit with haste.]
PORTER'S FRIEND
(off stage in a high, frightened voice)
We were talking to Le Roux. He's fucking with us. He was inside that dead wino who probably died from exposure. That was Le Roux. Those witches are after us!
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
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